Putter Downers -JUNIOR HIGH DISEASE

JUNIOR HIGH DISEASE
(some ramblings from the counselor's chair...)

Today is a good day to resurrect the old cheer:

TWO - FOUR - SIX - EIGHT 

who do you appreciate

YOU  -  YOU  -  YOU!!

After all, 
if you don't believe in yourself and love yourself first...

you have no basis for loving others... right?

Some of us have been taught that Jesus said,

"Love thy neighbor AS thyself..."

but, He did not say,

"Love thy neighbor INSTEAD of thyself..."

We must love ourselves, and be kind to ourselves FIRST

or else we might end up having

that dreaded diagnosis...

JUNIOR HIGH DISEASE!

Junior High Disease is a coping skill which
manifests fully in early adolescence.
It is when someone takes delight in putting others down... 

or makes remarks at someone else's expense 
that appear to be funny, but aren't really...
aren't very funny at all!

It is when someone uses words to encourage others 
to feel "LESS THAN"


Okay, it's safe to say we've all done that at some time or another... right?


In fact...
These coping behaviors are sometimes considered 
adaptive in childhood and adolescence
because at that age, they serve a healthy purpose 
for the individual...
they help them through some difficult moments.


These behaviors may calm an adolescent's anxieties 
and fears of not being accepted...
help them deal with not being good enough.
Unfortunately, when these coping behaviors are carried into
adulthood, they become maladaptive.


The real destructive thing about these behaviors 
(at any age) is that
they destroy intimate relationships...
you know.. the kind of relationships we all long for...
those which are long lasting, and fulfilling,
and bring us peace.

People with Junior High Disease carried into adulthood

operate out of the fear of not being good enough.

 They go to great expense to subtly or not so subtly discourage others.

Sometimes they tell lies to paint others in a negative light.

Often they are jealous of another person's life, 

their achievements, their successes.

Instead of focusing on their own successes, 

 they concentrate on defeating someone else's spirit.

They are not honest.

How do you know you are experiencing the effects of

a tremendously maladaptive, disingenuous relationship 
with a JHD person?

Oh, you know these people...

they are crafty with their words...

they use words as weapons.

These are the poor folks who readily offer criticism...

they throw you "under the bus"

to gain superiority.

Interestingly, however, people with Junior High Disease

appear to be self-confident... 

But, beware... that is just a facade... 

Appearances aren't always what they seem...

People with Junior High Disease 

can never have true intimate relationships
until they learn to be REAL.

So if YOU encounter 
a person with JUNIOR HIGH DISEASE...
here is another cheer for you:

Push 'em back

Push 'em back

Way............. back!!

You may ask, just what are we pushing back?

Why, it's the slimy, sneaky, destructive behaviors
used by a JHD personality to cause harm.


Push the behaviors back...
which means to keep a safe distance...
without withdrawing our love.


The key is to
find a way to love and interact with JHD types
without
giving them power
over our own happiness!


The second key is to
live in the truth of every moment.
Sometimes this requires us to lovingly address the behavior when it happens...
which requires entering conflict...
which is difficult to do without causing more harm.
Most of us like to avoid this.


In our Christian walk we are taught to be careful 
with other people's hearts.
Jesus taught and modeled this, for sure...
however, 
He also set an example of self-care...
and self-care sometimes requires conflict...
and when dealing with a JHD behavior, self care is primo!


Conflict is not always easy... but it is a healthy goal... 
if done in the spirit of good will.

So many of my clients with dysregulation of mood
identify Junior High as the time of life
when they lost hope...
so I thought it worth a blogpost...


Thanks for listening to my ramblings!

La - Ti - Do!


Jeanne