Monday, November 12, 2012

The Spinners of Truth

The Spinners of Truth... when someone creates a different history in their own psyche to override  "real" history - so they can cover their sins... hide their inadequacies....this is called posturing... I don't like posturing... Don't like it at all.  There must be a better way to handle relationships.

First of all, when people do this... spin the truth... it's pretty translucent... easily recognizable. As for me personally, I am so "on to" them. It's fairly simple to see through these untruths being spun...

Like when someone makes steep promises and they have no intentions of keeping them.
Or when someone is jealous, threatens, neglects, acts pretentious.
And when someone tells "non-truths" to protect their own agenda.
When we encounter the Backstabbers in our lives.

Some people believe their own lies... it's easier, I guess, than facing the fact that they may have made a mistake. And mind you, all people make mistakes and hurt others... whether intentionally or unintentionally, where there is a relationship, there will be hurt. This happens in all relationships, but  when someone "fake" apologizes for having hurt another.. and then goes on in the next sentence to posture in light of their own narcissistic narrative... well, I find that to be a disgusting trait.
They might say... "I'm truly sorry, so very sorry I hurt you... "
but, in the next sentence they will digress... "but, in all fairness to ME!! (do you hear the narcissistic "ME" rant?)  ... "in all fairness to ME... YOU blah, blah, blah" - the blaming narrative ignites!
Then  they begin to rattle off excuses that essentially place the blame back onto the person who was hurt... or make themselves feel better by inferring that "it wasn't that bad" or "it's not that big of a deal!"
This does NOT bring restitution for a wrongdoing. This inflames the wounded and cuts even deeper.

Like the backstabber...  you better beware! From the O 'Jays of the 70's ~ give a listen!

I work daily with hurting people... not the blamers... not the posturers... for those who blame others... the "truth spinners"... generally don't recognize they need counseling, because in their perception... relationship problems are usually somebody else's fault.  Blamers and backstabbers rarely seek therapy, for in therapy people are required to become "real"... expected to take a good look at themselves and discover who they truly are and focus on self-growth and healing.

I generally work with the victims... those kind people... the ones who ARE real... who live authentically and do not enjoy "emotional games"... they do not often even recognize "truth spinners" for who they really are. It is a pleasure to help these folks gain insight and skills for setting "boundaries"  and create "protection strategies" when dealing with unfair situations.

Janis Abrams Spring is a "forgiveness specialist" whom I follow. I've attended her seminars and frequently recommend her book, "How Can I Forgive You: The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To," to my clients and my friends.  Her take on forgiveness is that it is easiest to forgive if someone has '''genuinely" brought restitution for the hurt and asked for forgiveness with no conditions or posturing. She maintains that forgiveness IS possible if NO restitution is offered by the victimizer, but she suggests that it becomes a much more difficult process that requires difficult emotional work from the victim.

In the end, we recognize that forgiveness is for the forgiver. We are responsible for our own decisions about freeing our hearts so that we do not carry anger and resentment forever.  It's my opinion that we have to be cautious when surrounding ourselves with individuals who are the "spinners of truth" or else we will forever be caught in a web of being hurt and having to work through this difficult forgiveness process.

There's that old saying... "surround yourself with happy people, and you will be happy!" Much truth lies in this statement. Happy people generally are not "truth spinners"... happy people tend to be genuine, have a peace in their own psyche that transfers to others in their midst.

To embrace pure happiness... avoid the "Spinners of Truth" - and for heaven's sake... do not trust or believe what they say just because they say it!

Such are my ramblings today...
La ~ Ti ~ Do!!


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